I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Small penises have feelings too.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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