The maid of honor just puked.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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