Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
