Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
