i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
