That's intense
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
