is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
