so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
