you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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