Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
