New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
