I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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