i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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