Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
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