Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
