You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
