i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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