also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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