I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize