he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
