she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
