Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
