I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
