Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
