dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
