I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Randomize
