HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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