You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
