I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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