wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
