there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Is Oprah even human
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
