yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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