hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
