There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
