I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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