she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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