Well apparently he's into motor boating.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
