The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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