The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
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My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
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Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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