He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
