I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
He better not be in your backpack
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
