I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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