She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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