someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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