This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
