Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize