I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
