I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
