Someone shit on the floor
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
