aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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