It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
