I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I cut my penus on the lid.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
