I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize