i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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