I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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