Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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