I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
