i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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