it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
