6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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