Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
